


It's Tough to be a God

by The_Marron



Category: Haikyuu!!, The Road to El Dorado (2000)
Genre: Akaashi is an Assassin, Bokuto and Kuroo are con artists, Crack, Humour, It'll make sense, M/M, Modern Au to Road to El Dorado
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-04-08 06:18:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19101403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Marron/pseuds/The_Marron
Summary: “Have you ever imagined you would die like this?”“The assassin is a surprise.” Kuroo replies, too exhausted to glare at said assassin sitting in the boat with them. Akaashi simply shrugs.So that El Dorado fic no one wanted yet I wrote anyway. Kuroo is not exactly Tulio, Bokuto is 100% Miguel and Akaashi is a horse. An assassin. We are not sure exactly what, but he is also there. Kenma is too pretty for his own good.





	1. On the Trail We Blaze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so here I am, back at my bullshit. 
> 
> Some scenses from the original are changed because Kuroo is not exactly Tulio and in some cases I believe he would react differently. This is written purely for fun and

“Have you ever imagined you would die like this?”

“The assassin is a surprise.” Kuroo replies, too exhausted to glare at the said assassin sitting in the boat with them. Akaashi simply shrugs.

There is nothing else he can do, since his hands are still tied. Bokuto might have saved his life, but he doesn’t trust him not to slaughter him and Kuroo in their sleep to feast on their flesh. Who knows what Mafia assassins are capable of.

“If you hadn’t stolen my tools I wouldn’t even be here.” That much is true. It was Akaashi who found them hiding in the lower deck of the luxurious yacht, and it was Akaashi who brought them before Ushijima, Shiratorizawa’s boss. Bokuto and Kuroo were lucky Ushijima decided to kill them after reaching his destination, to avoid dirtying his beloved ship. The priorities of that man, honestly. Still, while Akaashi delivered them to face the wrath of god, Bokuto allowed himself to... Snoop around a little. He managed to snatch some kind of a tool from Akaashi's pocket. It proved to be a wonderful bargaining chip when it came to convincing Akaashi to let them out of their make-shift cell on the yacht.

Thing got really complicated when Bokuto started to tease Akaashi and dropped the device. While Akaashi struggled to catch it, he went overboard. And then Akaashi and Kuroo were made aware of one thing Mafia assassins weren’t capable of – swimming.

Bokuto had jumped after Akaashi immediately, not wanting to add ‘accidental killer’ to his resume (next to ‘thief, gambler, swindler, forger and heavy eater) and Kuroo was left alone with the longboat and the heavy task of saving Bokuto’s life. And since Kuroo is the man, he managed.

Which brought the three of them here.

To a boat in the middle of nowhere, with no food and a very pissed off assassin.

The last time Bokuto suggested that it couldn’t possibly get even worse they were hit with a storm, so now he keeps his trap shut.

He really doesn’t want to die like this.

He always figured he would die with Kuroo at his side, because that is true broship, but he would prefer it to be during some daring escapade, not of starvation.

“Do you have any regrets?”

“Aside from dying?” Here, Kuroo sighs heavily. He moves a bit, still with his back leaning on Bokuto’s, yet enough for Bokuto to see his profile. “That I had never had enough gold.”

“Oh. For me, aside from dying, the biggest regret remains that our greatest adventure ends before it could even start.” It’s true. Since they won the map from Semi (who turned out to be a member of Shiratorizawa, but how were they to know?) Bokuto had been dreaming of seeing the fabled El Dorado. A city made of gold! That’s every thief’s dream! And sure, Kuroo had been sceptical and they kinda got into a scuffle that led them to hiding from Shiratorizawa on Shiratorizawa’s own ship, but those are unimportant details. What matters is that they are going to die before they could even start looking for the city.

“Bro. If it’s any consolation, just know that you have made my life into an adventure.” Kuroo confesses and Bokuto can feel tears pooling in his eyes. If only he wasn’t so dehydrated, he might have shed them.

“And if it’s any consolation to you, Kuroo, you have made my life... richer.” Bokuto’s only reply is Kuroo’s quiet sobbing and Akaashi’s snort of distaste. Damn the man, he wasn’t even invited on this quest.

Bokuto returns his hand to the water, seeking escape from the horrible heat.

But something is wrong with the water because it’s definitely not cold. And it’s kinda coarse. And gets everywhere.

“Bokuto!” Kuroo exclaims and they jump at the same time.

Land! They made it to land!

“I was wondering whether you drama queens would notice.” Akaashi drawled, already sitting on the sand next to the boat.

“Hey! Whether you like it or not, you are stuck with us, so be nice or we will throw you overboard.”

“Technically, I am already overboard, Kuroo-san.”

Usually Bokuto would be more invested in the banter, but he is preoccupied with kissing every inch of land he can find, because they will live! The sand is delightfully warm, there is a distinctive smell of vegetation in the air, which means there are plans here, and the skull here suggests there are people here...

Wait.

A skull?

Bokuto’s horrified scream is quickly echoed with Kuroo’s.

“All in favour of getting back into the boat say ‘aye’. Aye!” Kuroo exclaims and both Bokuto and Akaashi follow the suit. Something killed these people and Bokuto is not ready to learn what. He shoots one last look at their fake paradise and he almost gets back in the boat, when something catches his eye.

This rock... It looks familiar. Bokuto is sure he had never been here before, but he had definitely seen this rock... It looks like it has a beak...

And then it hits him. he rummages his pants to find the paper folded hundred times to fit in the pocket.

“Kuroo! Kuroo, wait! This eagle rock, I’ve seen it before and look, there it is!” When Kuroo turns his annoyed gaze at Bokuto, Bokuto is ready. He throws the map in Kuroo’s face so that he can see for himself.

“How is it possible that you don’t have anything edible, but you still have this map!?” Kuroo hisses, but looks at the map nonetheless.

Akaashi gets off the boat and joins them, raising his elegant eyebrow in question.

“What are the odds of us stumbling into the right island? It can’t be it.” Kuroo decides and moves towards the boat.

“Oh come on, Kuroo, it can be our chance!”

“To die horribly in the jungle? Thank you, pass. Akaashi, grab the paddle.”

“I’m still tied up.”

“You are an assassin! Get yourself out of the bonds with some clever trick or something.” Kuroo orders, busying himself with cleaning the remains of their supplies from the boat.

“You watch way too many movies.” Akaashi replies and moves to help Kuroo, his hands suddenly unbound.

Kuroo’s indignant shrieks fill the air around them.

Kuroo is usually right, Bokuto knows that. Where he is the brawn of the two, Kuroo is the brains and no matter how crazy their ideas are, Kuroo can always get them out of trouble but... This could be their chance! To do something more to immortalize their names forever! And sure, Bokuto likes their current lives but... They can be so much more than thieves and con artists, and finding El Dorado could change everything!

“Bokuto. Get in the boat.”

“But, Kuroo, don’t you think this is the greatest thing that happened to us?” He asks, putting on his best puppy eyes.

They rarely fail.

“No. This is the worst that had happened to us! I’m not going into this jungle, not for millions of yen.” Kuroo exclaims, throwing his arms in the air.

“Yeah, but... City of gold, Kuroo!”Bokuto whines. Kuroo sighs. Heavily.

“Bro, I know! But what would be worse, returning to Japan with a story to tell or dying horribly in the jungle for no reason at all? You know me, I am all for crazy, but this is suicidal!”

Bokuto can see Kuroo’s point. But still, this is the best chance to do something grand.

“I know Kuroo, but consider this - it’s go big or go home. What have we got waiting for us in Japan? A lot of wanted posters, a few angry men and a lot of cops. Oh, and a pissed off mafia boss, whom we have insulted by breaking into his ship, running away and kidnapping his pet assassin! No offense, Akaashi.”

Akaashi just shrugs. He must be uncomfortable in his black pants and black turtleneck, considering the heat and salty water, but he remains silent, a paddle still in his hands.

Kuroo sits down on the sand, his face deep in thought.

“Alright, we go inside. But only because we need food, water, shelter and any way of figuring out where exactly we are. And if we stumble upon some lost city...” Here, Kuroo grins, “then we can, maybe go and see the sights. Deal?”

Bokuto hoots in triumph.

“Hell yeah! Let’s go!” He takes out the machete from the nearest skeleton. The corpse doesn’t need it anymore.

“So, where do we start, bird-brain?” Kuroo asks and Bokuto looks at the map.

“We have to look at the eagle rock or whatever that is and then turn left and go along the trail.”

“Bro, there is no trail.” Kuroo points out, gesturing Bokuto to look up from the paper. True to his words, they are surrounded by jungle.

“We are going to create it!”

Kuroo just rolls his eyes. Bokuto turns to him to argue or start an impassioned speech, but then he notices that Akaashi is still working in the boat, throwing away the sad remains of barrels and cans.

“Oi, Akaashi, we are going this way!” Bokuto shouts and Akaashi shots him and unimpressed glare.

“Then good luck to you.”

“Oh no, no, no, we came here together, we are going to leave together too. Come on Akaashi, you won’t make it far in this boat and you have no idea where we are either.” Kuroo says with an evil grin .

“I like my chances of survival. I won’t like them in the jungle. “ But he is too late, for Bokuto and Kuroo are already next to the boat, grins on their faces and arms ready to subdue the assassin. Akaashi doesn’t put up a fight, he simply looks resigned as Kuroo and Bokuto drag him away from the boat and into the wild.

This is going to be the best adventure ever, Bokuto is sure.

*

This is the worst. It’s like the jungle is fighting them every step of the way. So far they have been attacked by piranhas, leeches, very strange birds and very heavy rain. They barely have anything to eat and sure, sometimes they actually stumble upon a monument shown on the map, but those are rare occasions of joy, or so Kuroo says.

Bokuto doesn’t agree. This is a real adventure!

“This is our last road trip ever.” Kuroo proclaims, as he sits down in hot water to ease the pain of his scratched back and pulled muscles.

“Oh come on, it’s not that bad! We have hot springs, which is a nice surprise, we have potable water which is an even nicer surprise and we have...Akaashi?” Bokuto looks around. Once again, the assassin is nowhere to be seen. This is a common occurrence, Bokuto realizes. Maybe Akaashi is really bad with directions? He probably wanted to find some hot spring for himself, shy to share with Kuroo and Bokuto, both perfect specimen of manliness, and then got lost.

“Leave him be. I’m still not convinced he won’t kill us the moment he gets tired of your chattering.” Kuroo mutters, not opening his eyes.

“Nah, he’s alright! He even helped you with the leeches!”

“He was very smug about it.”

“And he fryed that piranha for us!”

“And that part of my ass the damned fish bit off. Why does he know how to cook murder fish anyway?”

Bokuto ponders on that for a moment. Akaashi doesn’t talk often. He only gives them hints and advice, like ‘don’t go there’ or ‘one bite of that snake and you die’ or ‘ you shouldn’t get inside this river, there might be... ooh, you found one. Hands-on experience is the best teacher’. Akaashi is strange. Yet without him, this adventure would be much murkier.

“I’m gonna ask him when I find him, alright?”

Kuroo cracks one eye open.

“If you don’t come back in an hour, I’m taking your things and spending all of my share of gold on your funeral.”

“Deal”

And off Bokuto goes. He puts on his trousers and the shirt, because the less skin is exposed to the sun, the better, or at least that’s what Kuroo said.

He wonders where Akaashi might be.  He doesn’t shout for help, or at least Bokuto can’t hear him shouting. Strange. Maybe Akaashi secretly worries they want him gone? But they are a team now! They are like Three Musketeers! Just a bit less honourable and more well-dressed.

Bokuto doesn’t know how long he walks around in a circle, but finally, he sees him.

Akaashi is sitting in the middle of a clearing and... fixing something? With that strange little tool Bokuto had taken away from him all these days ago.

“Akaashi, there you are!” Bokuto hollers, to let the man know he is important needed. “I was worried about you, where were you...” Akaashi sighs tiredly in response.

And then it clicks. The lack of shouting, how often Akaashi disappeared, and with the way Akaashi takes all this survival thing in the stride...

“You don’t get lost! You run away on purpose, hoping we will move on without you!” Bokuto accuses and Akaashi stands up.

“Very astute observation, Bokuto-san. Now, can I run away in peace?” He asks in a calm manner, but there is something dangerous in his eyes.

Bokuto gulps.

“Are you going to kill me if I say no?”

“Maybe.”

“But I saved your life! I jumped after you, because you were drowning and I got you out! You can’t kill me!”

“May I remind you that it was because of you that I found myself in the water in the first place.” And with that, Akaashi moves to leave. But Bokuto is faster.

“Hey, can I at least say goodbye to you, properly?” He asks, catching Akaashi’s hand.

Akaashi face does something strange and he looks... taken aback?

“What?” Yet his tone remains as flat as ever. 

“Whether you liked it or not, I thought of us three as comrades and I want to say goodbye properly.”

Akaashi looks dubious, but he still turns to face Bokuto.

That’s why Bokuto has the perfect view at Akaashi’s face when he clasps Akaashi’s wrist together and ties them with a rope. The assassin’s face screams ‘betrayal’, but he also looks kinda impressed.  Bokuto is a con artist after all.

“The proper way to say goodbye is to never say it, you know!” Bokuto screams cheerfully and Akaashi shakes his head in resignation. Whatever he’s been working on is long gone, hidden in the many pockets of Akaashi’s pants. Bokuto wants to asks but decides he has overused Akaashi's trust for the day. Maybe he will ask him tomorrow.

*

They get back just in time to see Kuroo scream bloody murder and run after a group of monkeys wearing his clothes.

“Yay, adventure?” Bokuto tries and Akaashi rolls his eyes in reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Altivo is strangely competent for a horse, so Akaashi fits right into the role, I think.


	2. Our Glorious Gity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters at the price of one, because the first one was definitely too long, so I decided to divide it.

How finding a big rock equalled being arrested by a strange tribe of people with spears, Bokuto doesn’t know.

One moment he and Kuroo are having a manly argument about whether going back is the best option or not (okay, it was more like a shouting match, to be honest and really, Kuroo was simply _wrong_ , okay?) and then some small guy stumbles right into Kuroo’s chest and moments later all four of them are surrounded by very dangerous people.

Kuroo was hit in the head with something that looked suspiciously like an old Nokia by the strange boy and Akaashi tried to use the commotion to fly away on some strange retractable metal wings he was apparently secreting in his pocket from the beginning. They were so cool, but his hands were still tied by a rope Bokuto held in his hand, so he crashed to the ground and the people around them gasped and started to whisper among each other furiously.

And now Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi are in a boat.

With a lot of dangerous people and a boy who ran into them. He holds an item in his hands, which under Bokuto's scrutiny proves to actually be an old Nokia! This adventure got even more interesting in Bokuto's opinion.

Bokuto opens his mouth to ask, but then something glistens in his field of vision and he has to turn around.

The boat leaves the cave and the sun blinds him for a moment, but when his eyes adjust he can see it. A city. Made of gold.

It is real! They did it, they found El Dorado!

He glances at Kuroo who wears the same expression of wonder as they take in everything.

The city looks kinda Aztec-ish, with pyramids and bright colours, and it’s marvellous. And gold. There are some big shadows moving under their boat and Bokuto is really tempted to look, but he meets Akaashi’s eyes and the man gestures him to look ahead.

There is a crowd of people gathered in front of the biggest pyramid and there is a pair of them that looks important. They wear richer clothes and while one is smiling wide, the other is frowning, clearly distressed at their arrival.

The smiling one, the man with red hair and a hairdo similar to Bokuto’s looks... wrong. There is something about him that makes Bokuto want to run to the hills.

The other one, a tall, broad man with black hair looks like a leader, his jaw set and his eyes unblinking, looking at them.

The boat stops and they are let out, the crowd gathered at the shore whispering amongst each other. It’s not in any language Bokuto understands and he knows like, six, because he is awesome like that and also a con artist. When he turns to look at Kuroo, he looks as helpless as Bokuto feels. His last hope, Akaashi has his brows furrowed in thought and attempts to find something in his pockets.

“Would you mind setting my hands free? I can help us, I think, but with my hands like that...”

“You can set yourself free, we have seen that.” Bokuto replies and Akaashi gives him an irritated glance.

“Look at the big stone tablet in front of us and think about what you have said.”

Bokuto didn’t even notice the tablet, but he obediently raises his eyes and is met with an enormous block on which there are carved three figures.  The first one is a smiling man with cat features and cat’s tail. The other one looks strange, with something akin to feathers growing from his head and the last one... The last one is a winged devil, its mouth twisted in pain and its hands bound by a rope held by feather-head.

Bokuto elbows Kuroo.

“Do you think...”

Kuroo turns his gaze to the tablet and his eyes shine.

“Oh, yes...It is possible...”  He is interrupted by the dark-haired man, the chief, who says something to them in the native language. Bokuto and Kuroo obviously don’t understand a thing. This is awkward.

“Okay, you demon, I’m going to set you free and then you will help us understand these good people!”Bokuto says loudly, for the benefit of people, just in case someone here actually knows Japanese. Better to be safe than sorry.

The crowd falls silent, their stunned expressions betraying fear. It gets even worse when Bokuto sets Akaashi’s hands free.There are some screams.

The red-haired weirdo smiles with reverence, as if setting free a dangerous assassin in his home town was is precisely what he always wanted. Creepy.

Akaashi rubs his wrists and bows his head to Bokuto and Kuroo, playing his role of an enslaved demon quite well. He searches for something in the pockets of his pants and finally hands them small round devices.

“This is a pocket bubble fish. It should translate everything you hear and everything you say. Provided it has ancient languages in its database, I’ve never tried that one, but it’s the best chance we’ve got. Just put them in your ears.”

Kuroo and Bokuto share a worried look.

“Akaashi... How do you have this tech?” Kuroo asks carefully. Akaashi shrugs.

“Bro, I am afraid our friend is an alien. Or a very tech-savvy demon. Those are waterproof!” Kuroo stage-whispers at Bokuto. Akaashi just rolls his eyes, putting his own device into his ear.  

With the whole crowd holding its collective breath in around them, Bokuto and Kuroo insert the bubble fish into their own ears. It’s strange.

“What are the gods doing?”

“Are they preparing to destroy us right away?”

“But Chief Dai said...”

Bokuto suddenly can understand everything and this was a bit too much. This crowd is terrified of them, he realizes. That is the best! They aren’t going to execute them if they are gods, right?

“Chief Dai! Can you repeat your words? The gods had to remember the language of their people!” Kuroo says loudly and the crowd falls silent.

Chief Dai, the black-haired man takes a step towards them, his expression puzzled.

“Revered gods, welcome to our city. We weren’t expecting you and we hope you will forgive us for not being ready with celebrations...”

An annoyed ‘tch’ interrupts him. The red-haired weirdo approaches them, a cruel smile on his face.

“Revered gods, I’ve been telling these fools that the age of the Jaguar was upon them and they refused to listen. I am Ten-Dou, your loyal servant on this Earth.” The man bows and there is something crazy in his eyes. Bokuto really wants to get away from him as fast as possible.

“Greetings, Chief Dai, Ten-Dou. We have heard your prayers and here we are!” Kuroo announces and the crowd cheers, seemingly less worried about their imminent eradication.

Yet the Chief is still frowning.

“Your Divinities, what are your names? How shall we address you?”

Once again, Bokuto looks to Kuroo. What kind of people don’t know the names of their gods? Is this a test? But it can’t be, they have proven they are gods, they have a demon! Err, an Akaashi!

“Kuroo and Bokuto!” Kuroo replies in his most badass voice.

“Yes, they call us Kuroo and Bokuto, the mighty gods!” Bokuto repeats, trying to ignore Akaashi’s disbelieving stare.  And the fact that his zipper is apparently undone, judging from Akaashi’s pointing finger. But Bokuto won’t be deterred, he needs to project as much dignity as he can on himself.

“Tell me, Lords Kuroo and Bokuto, why did you decide to come to us now?”

Ten-Dou snorts.

“Do not ask gods any questions, you fool.” He says.

“Yes! No questions, or we shall smite you with our divine powers and that’s something you don’t want to see!” Bokuto shouts, waiting for the people to cower before them. He doesn’t think anyone would be excited at the prospect. Of course, Ten-Dou is just not normal.

“Yes, do it! Show these foolish mortals they shall fear you!” He shouts almost in ecstasy and Bokuto cowers underneath the glare Kuroo sends him. Akaashi facepalms in the distance.

“Yes, of course! Just a moment!” Kuroo replies, cheerfully and puts his arm around Bokuto’s shoulders. When they are standing with their backs to the people of El Dorado, Kuroo gives him a look that would kill a lesser man.

“You know that little voice people have that tells them to quit while they are ahead? _You don’t have one_!” He hisses and Bokuto actually feels bad.

“Sorry, I just got into it and it felt so good and...”

“We need to figure something out. “

“Maybe we can apologize and explain everything?”Bokuto offers weakly and Kuroo growls.

“They will have us executed on the spot, you heard the weird priest, he thinks we are here to bring an apocalypse! He is ready to think sacrificing fake gods is the best way to bring it!” Kuroo is probably right. He usually is, now that Bokuto thinks about it and he really doesn’t want to think about this right now.

“Maybe we can borrow some mirrors? We can do the trick from Shanghai...”

“How are we going to do it without a parrot and a grandma?”

“Oh, yes, right... What about... Oh, no, we don’t have a horse.”

There is some rumbling in the background and maybe if Bokuto wasn’t so focused on discussing his options of staying alive, he would have noticed that Akaashi was still with them and not a part of discussion.

Suddenly, there is a loud _boom_ and everything around them is covered in smoke, protecting them from the view. Before the smoke can disappear, colourful lights appear, creating shapes in the air, such as lions, wolves and... is that a dragon?

The crowd gasps and there is a sound of people running around, Ten-Dou shouts something in excitement and just as quickly as everything appeared, it disappears, the smoke dissipating in air, revealing a bored-looking Akaashi sitting on the ground, hiding something in his pocket.

There is silence.

And then, a roar of applause and people falling to their knees, their faces close to the ground, adoring their gods.

“I think Akaashi is a magician.” Kuroo whispers. Bokuto only nods.

Not knowing what else to do, Bokuto turns to face the crowds and spreads his arms in triumphant gesture. Kuroo shrugs and follows his lead.

They make their way through the row of their adoring subjects. Akaashi follows them as if nothing extraordinary had happened.

They make their way to the Chief and the priest and both of them bow to the might of Kuroo and Bokuto.

“My lords, what do you want to do with this thief?” Chief Dai asks, gesturing to the boy who caused this whole situation, to one with a Nokia, who was still gouarded by the men who captured them in the first place. The boy doesn’t even look at them.

“I am not a thief. The gods sent me a dream. They ordered me to go into the jungle with the cursed item to guide them and their demon here.”

Here, the boy raises his eyes and stares right into Kuroo’s.

Kuroo swallows.

“I only fulfil gods’ orders.” The boys says, still staring at Kuroo and Bokuto sees where this is going. Kuroo always had a thing for blondes. Even if they were dyed. How did this boy dye his hair here? Because his light hair is definitely not natural, there are some dark patches at the top of his head. Bokuto needs to ask him. Or ask Akaashi The Magician.

“Yes. Of course. Release him.” Kuroo orders. Ten-Dou looks disappointed, but obeys.

“Fine. Just put the object back into the temple.” The strange boy bows and disappears somewhere. 

“Lords, let me lead you to your abode. We are truly ashamed that it hasn’t been prepared properly.” Ten-Dou says, his voice anything but apologetic. He looks as if he had won something. From the glares he sends in Dai’s direction, this was probably a topic of many debates and Ten-Dou has finally won.

"Nice, a temple!" Bokuto says, excited.

*

Of course, the temple they are led to is at the top of the highest pyramid of all.

Bokuto has never hated the stairs more in his life than he does now. Next to him, Kuroo doesn’t look much better. Maybe they should have hit the gym more often...

Even Akaashi looks like he might be dying a little, so Bokuto counts that as a win.

The Chief and the priest don’t even break a sweat. Unfair.

The last steps Bokuto and Kuroo conquer by climbing them on all fours, all dignity long forgotten. When Bokuto looks down, he can see Akaashi lying on the steps, covering his eyes from the sun. He looks like he just might be considering staying on these stairs forever. Bokuto can relate.

Last step...

The Chief and the priest stop and before they can turn, Bokuto jumps up and strikes a nonchalant pose, Kuroo doing the same on his right. Keeping up appearances is important, even if one cannot breath and is sure they have lost their lungs somewhere around the step number 234.

The Chief gestures them inside and the view allows Bokuto to forget about the ache. The whole place is beautiful. There are mosaics on the floor and on the walls, full of precious stones, there are gold masks everywhere and there is a big bed covered with expensive-looking duvets. It’s better than any luxurious hotel Kuroo and Bokuto had ever broken to. There is even a small pool!

“To celebrate your arrival, I propose a wonderful religious ceremony, just at the break of day.” Ten-Dou says, his voice sickeningly sweet.

“And I think a glorious feast tonight is a more appropriate way to honour you.” Dai counters, glaring daggers at the priest.

“Which idea pleases you more?”

Bokuto looks at Kuroo.

Kuroo looks back at Bokuto.

“Both?”

“Both.”

“We want both.”

“Excellent!” Ten-Dou replies and bows on his way out. With the last look in their direction, Chief Dai follows him.

Bokuto and Kuroo wait until the last words of their passive-aggressive conversation are inaudible and finally, they look at each other.

“Hey.” Bokuto starts, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Hey, hey!” Kuroo replies, a big grin on his face.

“Hey, hey ,hey!” Bokuto screams and bursts in laughter.

“This is the best, oh my god! This is a city of complete losers!”

“I know! This will be so much easier than I thought! We won’t have to steal the gold, they will give it to us on their own!” Kuroo agrees.

“Guys...” Comes the quiet voice from the direction of the pool, but Bokuto is too hyped to listen, even if it sounds suspiciously like Akaashi.

“Bokuto and Kuroo!”

“Kuroo and Bokuto!”

“Great and powerful goooods!” They sing-song, flexing those muscles because who is to tell them they can’t, when someone clears their throat behind them.

The shrieks they let out are anything but dignified.

They jump on the golden throne to see who dared to disturb them, when they see the blond boy, looking at them with something like annoyance on his face.

“Begone you mortal, or I shall smite you with my awesome owl powers. Hoot, Hoot!”

“Bokuto.”

“Hoot, Hoot!

“Bokuto! He caught us.” Bokuto stops his wild gesturing and looks at Kuroo, helpless.

“Save your tricks for Ten-Dou, he will appreciate them. And your resident demon is much better at them.” The boy says and is answered with a feint ‘thank you’ from the direction of the pool.

“That hurts.” Kuroo retorts, clutching a hand on his heart.

“What do you want?”

The boy stands silent, as if fighting with his own thoughts.

“I want to get away from here. And you and your little scam are a godsend for me.”

“Ha! A godsend! Kuroo, he said a godsend and we are gods, can we keep him?”

Kuroo just shakes his head.

“Why should we?”

The boy just looks at him, his expression tranquil.

“Because without me you’ll be discovered in a few days, if not hours. You have no idea about our religion and you don’t know our traditions. If you ignore me, I will be watching your execution tomorrow morning.”

“Ouch.” Bokuto can feel the chills up and down his spine.

“Geez, couldn’t you sugar-coat it, a bit?”

The boy shrugs.

“So I help you con these people and earn you as much gold as you want and you... you take me with you, when you leave.”

“Deal!”

“Wait, Bokuto.” Here, Kuroo steps closer to the boy, so that his mouth is right next to the boys ear. “Let’s see what he is worth, first.”

The blonde just sighs.

“Here, you probably need them back.” He says and he hands Kuroo Kuroo’s own loaded dice. What?

“When did you take them?” Kuroo hisses.

“And where did you keep them?” Bokuto adds, because the boy is standing in front of them in nothing but an artsy skirt that reaches his ankles. Really, what is it today with people, everyone can perform magic all of a sudden?

“I’m Kenma, your new partner in crime.” The boy says, his golden eyes glistening with mischief. “And if you want to survive, you better start dressing up for the feast. Gods cannot be late to their own party.”

He moves to one of the few tables in the room and throws some fabrics at them.

“Chest bare, legs covered, that’s the rule. Same for you, Keiji, you can’t walk around in black all the time.” Kenma instructs and turns toward the pool. Bokuto’s eyes follow after Kenma’s and he finally spots Akaashi, sitting in the pool with his head lying on the rim of the pool, his eyes closed. He looks strangely peaceful like that. Bokuto is sure he hasn’t seen Akaashi sleep before, now that he thinks about it. Akaashi always wakes up first and goes to sleep last. He must be exhausted.

“Just watch me. I’m a demon, I do what I want.” Akaashi replies, but he opens his eyes and stands up, no trace of shame or modesty at all. 

Bokuto has to turn his eyes away, because watching the water dripping down Akaashi’s body is too much all of a sudden.

“Suit yourself, Keij. See you downstairs in half an hour.”

And with that, Kenma is gone.

“ _Keiji_?” Kuroo asks, his red fabric already tied around his hips.

“I do have a name, Kuroo-san.”

“How does _he_ know it?”

Bokuto is still firmly not looking at Akaashi dressing up, so he cannot exactly see the expression on Akaashi’s face, but he guesses it’s annoyed.

“While you were busy charming the chief and being idiots, we managed to talk. He is quite sharp. It’s better to have him as an ally, than as a foe.” Akaashi replies and suddenly he is standing right in front of Bokuto.

“Here, let me help. “And without further ado, he kneels down to tie the gold fabric around Bokuto’s hips. It’s torture, because Akaashi is pretty. Very pretty. And Bokuto has some.. interesting thoughts now, because Akaashi is pretty and on his knees in front of Bokuto. Thank god he is already dressed in his usual black tank top and his utility pants, otherwise this image might have been too much.

Bokuto looks at Kuroo for help, but the traitor only winks at him and gives him his signature Cheshire cat grin.

“Alright, you are ready to woo the crowds.” Akaashi decides and stands up. He either cannot see, or decides to ignore how red Bokuto’s face is. Bokuto is very grateful for that.

“Oh no, no, no, Akaashi. You helped us a lot to get here. You deserve some celebration.” Kuroo says, his scheming face making an appearance. Bokuto immediately catches on.

“Yes, it would be a shame for you not to be rewarded.”

“I don’t want to...” Akaashi protests, but he is once again held back by the two of them and stops resisting as Bokuto ties his hands with a cheerful smile.

“We cannot go there without our pet flying demon, right?”

Akaashi just sighs heavily and allows himself to be dragged down the stairs.

They are going to have the time of their lives!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so I tweaked a plot a little, so that some random conveninces, such as characters speaking in the language of El Dorado and the volcano are a bit more realistic. 
> 
> I also changed the names, so that they would sound a bit less Japanese, but would be still recognizable. 
> 
> I know Kuroo should have blue robe, since he is Tulio in this scenario, but Nekoma's colour is red and I can't see Kuroo in anything else.
> 
> And why Nokia? That is for me to know and for you to find out.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Bokuto is woken by Kenma. Or rather, he is woken by water which Kenma poured on him. 

When Bokuto finally stops swearing, Kenma is long gone and the headache settles in. Hangover is a bitch. It shouldn't touch gods, but it definitely did. God, these people could drink!

Bokuto barely remembers the party. He remembers watermelons, gallons of wine... Did him and Kuroo perform 'The Circle of Life' pretending it was a ritual? They probably did... Bokuto tries to turn to the other side and return to sleep, ignoring water dropping down his cheeks, but the other side is... taken?

Bokuto slowly turns, dreading what he might see. Did he kill someone? Did he seduce somebody's wife? Did he steal a statue again? He knew he shouldn't drink, but Kuroo was like, 90% of his self-control and this was Kuroo, so it wasn't much even if he was present. And yesterday he had disappeared at some point... 

Finally, Bokuto dares to look. There on the floor next to him, wrapped in two different sheets of material, lays their resident assassin, soundly asleep.

No wonder he never slept in their presence before. He is too pretty to witness. In the faint light of day he looks like an angel, innocent and pure, with delicate shadow underneath his eyes betraying exhaustion. It made Bokuto feel things. Hell, looking at someone that pretty, you could make religion out of this! Though, if Bokuto is a god and Akaashi a demon, would this make Bokuto a Satanist? Can god be a Satanist?

Unaware of Bokuto's religious crisis, Akaashi sleeps on, not betraying his presence with any sound, even his breathing is even and quiet...

Bokuto notices all of these details in a valiant attempt not to ask himself the real question - why is Akaashi sleeping next to him?

Confused, Bokuto looks around. Something that on its better days might be Kuroo is bundled up next to the altar, only a mop of dark, unruly hair visible from underneath the sheets. When did they get sheets anyway?

As Bokuto watches Kenma makes his way from the temple pool to the Kuroo-shaped object, his mouth set into a thin line and a jug of water firmly held in his arms.

Bokuto knows what's going to happen and yet he still jumps when Kuroo shrieks. 

"Kenma, why???!"

Kenma puts down the jug.

"You are awful drunks, that's why. Ten-Do is making his way here. You agreed to a religious ceremony in the morning, didn't you?"

Kuroo searches the temple to share a confused look with Bokuto. Bokuto reciprocates because a) he is loyal and if his bro is confused, Bokuto won't leave him hanging on and b) he has no memory of that happening either. Actually, he has no memory of yesterday whatsoever, aside from their arrival. Then they displayed an Akaashi-induced miracle and... There was something about two options of celebrating...

…

Oh.

Yeah, there was something about a religious ceremony in the morning.

“Anything we need to know?” Kuroo asks, trying to untangle himself from the sheets.

Kenma gives him a grim look.

“I don’t know what Ten-Do wants, but it can’t be anything good. He’s been going on about the end of an era for a while now, you coming here is the best thing that ever happened to him.”

Bokuto tries to process Kenma’s words when Kuroo gasps.

“Wait, he thinks we are here to bring the apocalypse?”

Kenma cocks his head slightly, reminding Bokuto of a confused cat.

“What’s the apocalypse?”

Kuroo gets up violently and Bokuto is pleased to notice that he has his strange skirt from yesterday still firmly on. There are some things about your bro that you do not need to see in the morning.

“Kenma, are we here to bring the end of the world?!” Kuroo asks and Bokuto freezes. Oh no, that’s why people yesterday were so afraid of them! Will they have to start killing people to uphold their images as fearsome gods? Would they be executed when the people of El Dorado notice they are not bloodthirsty gods? Bokuto draws a line at killing people, but he dislikes being killed either. Maybe they can ask Akaashi to kill people in their stead? But now, that is still killing people, people will be still dead and Bokuto would not survive that! Maybe Akaashi could kidnap people and pretend to kill them?

“I don’t know, are you? I mean, as far as I’m concerned you are here to steal all the gold and run away, but if you have gained some divinity last night, Kuro, then I don’t know what your purpose is. “Kenma replies and turns away to the old Nokia he produced out of nowhere. His skirt has magical properties, Bokuto is sure of it.

“Hey, speaking of the last night Kenma, do you remember what we…”

“What we did yesterday is considered a marriage pact by my people, Bokuto-san.” Comes from his left and Bokuto jumps up with a loud yell.

“Akaashi, what the…!” The moment Bokuto allowed himself to turn his attention away from the assassin, he managed to get dressed and move to stand behind Bokuto because he is that dramatic, apparently. Then Bokuto’s mind catches up with Akaashi’s words.

“What do you mean ‘marriage pact’?”

“What do you mean “your people”?” Adds Kuroo, a hint of panic in his voice. Akaashi gives them a small smile and stays quiet.

"Ten-Do is here! Act like you were waiting for long!" Kenma whispers and that's it. Time to be godly now.

*

As they are carried in some strange palanquin, Bokuto bemoans the fact that he allowed himself to drink so much. His head hurts as hell and really, this is the worst possible time to have the mother of hangovers. He looks at Kuroo, but he looks even worse.

The palanquin stops and when they get out (more or less resuming their dignity) they are standing on a big bridge to nowhere. The place looks like it used to be a bridge once, but instead of leading to the other side, it stops in the middle of the river or whatever that was that flowed underneath it.

"The gods honoured us with their presence!" Ten-Do shouts, clearly in his element. He is way too loud for Bokuto's hangover. "And what did we do? We drank, we sang, and laughed, swimming in our sins, showing the gods how wicked we truly are!"

Oh damn. A fanatic.

"Now it's time to pay! Now it is time for us to offer the pure, to let our gods sustain themselves!"

Aaand he lost Bokuto. Unsure, Bokuto looks to Kuroo, whose face screams murder.

There is a commotion behind them, and a group of people enters the bridge, carrying two children dressed in flowers with them. The poor kids look drugged, their faces empty and their eyes covered with mist. This is wrong. This is so wrong!

"Gods, let us celebrate your arrival by sacrificing them to the! beast of steel"

It takes a second for Bokuto and Kuroo to realize that they both think the same - this can't happen.

"Stop!" Kuroo shouts and Bokuto runs to get to the children, in case Ten-Do's men refuse to listen. They let go, and the kids, unaware of what is going on, just tumble to the ground. Akaashi joins Bokuto appearing out of nowhere and starts examining them, searching for any sign of further abuse.

"Stop?" The priest has the balls to sound disappointed.

"This is not our will." Kuroo says, glaring at him. "I would like to see your holy texts for myself. There must be an error somewhere. This is not our will." He sounds truly frightening.

"But, Lord Kuroo, the steel beast..." Here, Ten-Do points to the end of the bridge. Surprised and curious, Bokuto follows Kuroo to stand on the edge.

There, right in the middle of the lake, surrounded by half-sunk parts of the bridge, there is a steely shape. 

"Kuroo, I think this is..."

"An airplane." Kuroo finishes and they both pause. That would explain why Kenma had this Nokia thing and why Akaashi's mechanical wings were so feared. The plane must have crashed here long time ago, seemingly a beast send by god's to remind the people that they were watching. No wonder everyone was terrified when they came.

"The beast of steel carried the dead inside it. Ten-Do thought that this was the way the gods want to be worshipped." Kenma explained, appearing out of nowhere.

"How revolting would it be if we decide to give a different explanation?" Kuroo asks and Kenma simply stares down at the destroyed airplane.

"Depends. Most of the religious worship is dictated by Ten-Do, we have very few texts about different gods. You, or what you claim to be, we know only from the stones, it's not much." He finally replies.

"Bo, what do you think? Should we get involved, or should we take the gold and go?" Kuroo whispers, looking at Bokuto intently.

It is a hard question. Should they risk everything? He turns back, to look at the children nursed back to consciousness by Akaashi. Who knows what will happen after they leave? How many more children will be sacrificed because Ten-Do or any other priest decided so?

"You know Kuroo... I always thought being a hero was much better than being a thief."

Kuroo smiles.

They both raise up, ready to face Ten-Do and his cruel ways.

"The steel beast was a gift!" Kuroo shouts, so that the people gathered underneath the bridge may hear him.

"It was a gift meant for you, to see that there are different people, different ways of living. It was send here not to promote death, but to show you new paths!"

"Era of Jaguar is the era of change, not death!" Bokuto chimes in, and they both move towards Ten-Do, who looks smaller and smaller as they approach.

"Lords, I'm sorry, I didn't know..." He says weakly.

"Now you do." Kuroo replies, his tone cutting.

"No more sacrificing!" Bokuto shouts, and the people cheer. 

"Come Ten-Do. We will tell you all about the godly plans" Kuroo says darkly.

*

"You are a hero for five minutes and they give you a temple full of gold!" Kuroo laughs and Bokuto joins him.

"Chief Dai was so happy, I think he sent us everything he had!" 

Their palanquin carries on through the streets of El Dorado, a long procession of people bearing gold following it.

"Now we have to make sure Ten-Do becomes a good priest, we get our gold and then we come back to Japan!"

"To buy it!" Bokuto adds and they are both laughing when there someone clears their throat next to the palanquin.

"What do you want, Akaashi?"

"How do you plan on getting back? Carry all that gold on your back and swim through the ocean?"

Oh. 

Damn.

*

"A boat?" Asks Chief Dai, raising his eyebrows

Kuroo and Bokuto nod gravely.

"We came here from the heavens to correct Ten-Do's ways, but now that our job is done, we should get going. Plenty of other cities to visit, other offerings to accept. Life of a god is tough." Kuroo says, his usual Cheshire smile firm on his lips.

"Well... If you insist on taking all of our gifts, creating a boat able to carry everything that would be a week..." Dai says, unsure. His advisor, a man with dirty-blonde hair and a mole underneath his eyes whispers something into the chief's ear, looking at both of them with amusement. Suddenly, Bokuto is sure the advisor _knows_. 

"Five days, how does this sound?"

"Well, if you can't do it quicker..."

"We are merciful gods, let it be" Bokuto says, magnanimously. Kuroo hisses at him to stop, but the chief does not seem to be offended. 

"We shall start the preparation immediately, then." He says, a strange glint in his eyes.

*

"Five days is a bit long." Kuroo says when they are back to their temple. Bokuto is sitting on the floor, watching different things offered by the people. It almost doesn't seem fair, to take so much. But then again, Bokuto suspects that half of it a gift of gratitude for putting Ten-Do in his place, so maybe he can silence his guilty conscience.

"We can go sightseeing! Have you seen this place, it's awesome!"

Kuroo sighs.

"It is, if course it is, but how long can we keep this up? What if we do something that will make everyone realize we are not gods? The less time we spend here, among the people, the better."

"I get it, but... You wanted to be a scientist once. Doesn't it interest you how things work here? How they create things from gold, how they dye things?" Kuroo's eyes narrow.

"Bo, you can't do that, you can't tempt me with science when I'm trying to be responsible and all." He whines and Bokuto grins. This round is won.

Kenma finally looks up from Kuroo's smartphone he's been inspecting for the last half an hour.

"I can give you a tour. I know some things about metal and how it is used... You could tell me more about the steel beast." He says and Bokuto suddenly realizes that Kenma is speaking to Kuroo specifically. Aww. 

"So... Anyone has seen Akaashi? No? Great, I gotta find him to tell him not to interact with people too much!" Bokuto shouts and runs away from the temple, ignoring Kuroo's scream. Kenma will handle him. Probably.

*

The city is amazing. It is beautiful beyond words and not just because it is made of gold. Every alley, every street is adorned with flowers and the people, when they are not scares for their lives, mostly smile. It looks like a happy place, a place that people proudly called home.

Bokuto could get used to it.

He finds Akaashi in the garden, teaching two girls how to create a flower crown. The girls, though a bit shy around him, probably because he is supposed to be a demon, are entranced by his ministrations.

"And, done." Akaashi says, putting the crown on one of the girls. She squeels in delight.

"Do you want to try making one?" The girls look unsure all of a sudden, so Bokuto allows himself to join the group.

"Don't worry, he won't hurt you. He is the nicest demon I know." He says, sitting cross-legged next to Akaashi. This seems to encourage them and soon, the four of them are busy making flower crowns under Akaashi's tutelage.

The flowers they use are unlike any other Bokuto has ever seen and they make for truly magnificent crowns.

He offers his finished one to Akaashi, who accepts it without a fuss and puts it on. He looks lovely. And when he gives Bokuto a grateful smile, he just looks so... So...

Bokuto does not realize when exactly his face got to close to the assassin's, but the girls' giggling tells him that everyone around him definitely noticed.

He gets his own crown from Akaashi and puts it on, to hide his embarrassment. 

The girls finish their own crown and with a loud 'thank you' they run from the garden, probably to share this new secret with friends.

Akaashi gets up and looks at Bokuto, as if expecting him to do the same.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

Bokuto can only nod.

*

Walking with Akaashi is great. He is not exactly chatty, but he has a good eye for detail and points out the most amazing views.

They visit the playground with something like a bungee jumping being the main attraction, with ends with Bokuto being scared for life because _that was a vine Akaashi, just a vine_ , they visit a few temples of other gods and listen to a man on the street playing something akin to guitar. Life in El Dorado seems great. Happy. Peaceful even. Throughout their trip Bokuto has not seen anyone hungry or poor. There are no abandoned children, no thieves and con artists trying to get buy by stealing. 

They are on a big fish, serving as some kind of a boat to the local people, just him and Akaashi, making their way to the other side of the river, when it hits him.

"I could live here."

"Really? With no internet, no technology, anything?" Akaashi replies, his voice devoid of judgement.

"Oh, I would probably miss it a lot, but it seems like a small price to pay for having a home."

Akaashi simply hums.

Then, he sits down next to Bokuto.

"The tool you took from me, the one I jumped after - it's the last thing I have left from my family. It was created by my father. He was a brilliant engineer, a genius even. Shiratorizawa wanted him, so they took him. I've spent most of my childhood being a part of the Shiratorizawa gang and I never thought I could be anything else. When my father died, Is rated there, because I had no other ideas what to do with myself."

"This is your first trip outside of Shiratorizawa?"

Akaashi nods.

"How do you like it?"

Akaashi smiles.

"Far more than I thought I would."

Bokuto's heart melts a little.

He wants to say something, when he notices Kuroo waving at them from the shore. Kenma is next to him, looking surprisingly discontent.

"Bokuto! Bro, you won't believe it!" He sounds excited.

"They play volleyball here!"

El Dorado truly is a paradise.


End file.
